Hey….guess what? My new book about tomatoes has gone live on Amazon.com . OK, so maybe I’m bragging a little, but you have no idea the hoops these bastards make you jump through to get a book listed on Amazon….THAT’S if you can find a publisher in the first place….yea, the publisher, first they want to review your manuscript for an indeterminate amount of time….then they send you suggestions….”SUGGESTIONS? It’s more like an SS Officer suggesting you line up against a wall! Then there’s the graphics people that want to “help” you with your cover design…..kinda like someone helping a wheelchair bound person down a lonnnnnnggg flight of stairs with the sole of their foot! Look, I’ve probably forgotten more about graphics and Photoshop and Paintshop Pro and Xara and ….well you get the idea. They’re telling me that my graphics contain “Transparencies”….Really? Maybe I WANTED transparencies….did they ever think about that? So….I ask them….what’s the problem with that?…they say the colors may not be right. “May not”? I ask them, “They may not be right….you’re not sure”? They tell me they won’t know till the “Proof Copy” is run. I asked them if they run a “Proof Copy” whether they are sure the colors are correct or they think they may not be correct…..the lady told me they run the “Proof Copy” in either event, so I said let’s see if they’re good or not…OK?

Well I think they turned out pretty OK…..transparencies and all! I guess all’s well that ends well. so, run over to Amazon and pick up a bunch of these beauties for Father’s Day or some loved ones birthday or Christmas or….well, just buy one! Thanks.

Hey, don’t forget to visit the official website for Tomato 411

Today is a day to remember all of those who served our country, both in peace time and in war times, and especially those that went before and gave their last full measure. I remember Rusty Engle, Joe Markovich, and a host of others lost in Viet Nam. I remember the uncles I lost in WW II although I never got to meet them….and I remember Fred Carey. Fred was a local Post Office Letter Carrier who served in WWII. He was also a person who kind of hit upon a streak of bad luck that lasted nearly a lifetime. There were numerous dog attacks and problems with sidewalk construction and a couple of bar room battles that Fred got drug into through no fault of his own…and…..well…..just stuff that had a way of happening to Fred.

Fred made himself immortal with the telling of a wartime incident one night at O’Brians Tavern…seems like just yesterday, but it was long ago in reality.

All the lads were talking about woman, girl friends, marriage, and all that goes with the subjects such as that. Someone finally asked Fred if he had ever been married, to which he replied, “I was engaged once”. Normally that would have been the end of the conversation where Fred was concerned but another lad pressed on with, “What happened Fred….how come you never married her?” Fred sat there for what seemed like forever and finally started with, “Well it seems the Army Pastor was all up in arms about us soldiers not writing home and was giving us ‘what for’ cause he said folks at home were in the dark with what was happening here and the unknown was pure torture, so we should have some compassion for their plight and let them know we were OK and the like.” So Fred sat down and wrote a 4 page letter catching his fiancee up on all the things that had been happening and posted it. Well that was fine but it didn’t explain why he never got married……so the lads pressed on….well Fred….what happened?

Fred sat there for a long time and then said, “The Fu@%en Air Mail Plane got shot down………….” We all understood….there was no more need for explanation. Yes, I remember Fred!

There he is….my pal…Abraham Lincoln. You’re probably asking yourself why this “Jack” guy is claiming to be pals with good ol’ Honest Abe, right? I mean Abe’s been dead for more than a 100 years….and I’m pretty old myself, but certainly not THAT old…so how the hell could I claim he’s my pal? I’ll tell ya……….

Let’s go back to Madison High School (that’s in NJ). The year was 1964….I was a Junior at MHS. It was lunch time and I was in the cafeteria with the usual crew of lads I hung out with….there was Pete West, Pete Jilleba, Drew Bartlett, and some other phantom recollections of attendance that day…I think Dick Herbst was there, he was our Quarterback for the football team….Doug Hale…I don’t know it gets foggy after my regular crew, but it’s really unimportant….what “IS” important is how Abe saved my bacon that day.

Seems lunch was nearly done and as was often my custom I was standing at the head of the table telling a joke (After all I would be voted class comedian the following year, so I should have been telling jokes). But that day something crept into the routine that just didn’t feel right…I was telling a joke…I don’t even remember which one I was telling but the audience, if you will, seemed somewhat distracted and not really into the story. I was coming to the punch line and I felt like a stand up comedienne who’s audience just walked out. This was not the usual response I got from the lads when telling a joke….no, there was  something very wrong and I couldn’t figure out what it was.

I studied the faces of those guys and noticed darting looks somewhere behind me as the story was coming to it’s finale….then all the gazes went down to their lunch trays and it looked like these guys were getting ready to pray or something….I was totally confused…..and then it happen….Ol’ Abe to the rescue!

When the guys started staring at their lunch trays something caught my eye of the wall behind them….up on the wall was the portrait of Abraham Lincoln…and in the glass of Abe’s portrait was a reflection of someone approaching me from behind….I immediately recognized that outline….it was the outline of the “Dean of Boys”, Mr. Bennett, as he snuck up behind me…..he was going to catch me telling a filthy joke and banish me from the lunch room forever. So, instead of the punchline to the joke, I said in a loud voice…..”Then I asked the Minister if there was anything else I could do for him before I went home to study.”

To say there was a chorus of laughter from the table full of guys would have been the mildest description I could give. When I turned around and pretended to notice Mr. Bennett and then said, “Hey Mr. Bennett….how are you today sir?” Another eruption of laughter was sent forth from the table….Mr. Bennett said, “Pearsall, follow me”! We walked to the front of the cafeteria and Mr.Bennett stood in front of me for what seemed like an eternity…crimson in the face….and then he uttered in a low controlled voice, “Get a haircut”! He then turned on heel and walked away in a fashion only a defeated Dean of Boys could…..it was nirvana!

So there you have it….that’s how Abraham Lincoln saved me 99 years after John Wilkes Booth shot him! I still think Abe’s a peach!

Well it’s official….I’m now an “Old Bastard”….I’m starting to read the AARP Newsletter on a regular basis, or at least I’m up to two in a row now! Good Lord this is depressing!

While reading the latest deposit from the AARP folks…Jesus…..I just realized AARP sounds like, I dunno, AARP….kinda like Harpies, you know, those sinister bird-like women from Greek Mythology that fly around and kill stuff, God that’s scary…..but I digress….where was I? Oh yea….I was reading the latest AARP deposit.

Anyway there was this story in there about saving Gold, kind of a pro and con thing and I was IMMEDIATLY transported to a different time and place…..kind of a magical place in my memories, the place where I grew up…..Hamilton, NY. Hamilton’s major claim to fame is Colgate University. That…..and the Colgate Inn…a wonderful place….but that’s another story.

Hamilton was a happy place for me….a boy, his dog, and a whole big world to explore…there was fishing on Lake Morraine….picking fruit out of long abandoned Apple orchards (Johnny Appleseed was VERY active in Upstate New York)….picking wild strawberries….Hot Dogs on the grill (we didn’t know they were bad for you). All in all it was a virtual paradise for a kid….but it DID have its’ elements of “Danger”.

There was “Henry the Hermit”….now I want you to understand that “I” didn’t think Henry posed any danger, but my Mom, and to a lesser degree my Dad, seemingly disapproved of this Henry fellow. I thought he was pretty neat…he was just an older version of me! He didn’t work, he didn’t have a real transportation, he liked hot dogs (I saw him cooking them once when we bicycled past his shack), and he pretty much did as he pleased….now this is a biggie for a kid…summertime was pretty close to Henry’s lifestyle, but it wasn’t the same the rest of the year…anyway, I thought he had it pretty good and had to be a cool dude to pull it off in the 1950′s….at least in Upstate New York. OK, you’re probably asking yourself by now….”What does this hermit asshat have to do with gold??!!” Well I’ll tell you what he had to do with gold…..if you didn’t interrupt with so damned many questions we’d have been there by now!

It was the beginning of summer in 1957, actually it was late spring, about the first week in June. We had gone downtown to do some shopping at the local markets when someone at the Meat Market blurted out Ol’ Henry the Hermit had died the night before and someone had found him in his shack….I remember feeling kinda bad….it was like my future had died. Anyway, there was the usual gossip and “Too bad’s” floating around for a day when all of a sudden all hell broke loose!

Seems the Sheriff and one of his deputies went up to Henry’s shack to kinda look around for any clues to his background and/or his next of kin. Well, they didn’t find any clues, but they did find an old Mason jar filled with $20.00 Double Eagle gold coins. Even in 1957 that was a small fortune. The jar had some dirt on it and that prompted an immediate investigation into the back yard of the property….and guess what….after poking around for a while they found another jar stuffed with the same Double Eagles coins!! Well, that was it…..word spread like wildfire and any able bodied person within 10 miles was up there digging….it was kinda like a whole heard of Giant Prairie Dogs on steroids had been turned loose on the property….in later life I saw bomb and shell craters that were better organized by comparison. I remember thinking my Dad was a fool not to go and dig……it wasn’t until years later that I was proud he didn’t.

There you have it, the story of a Hermit and of Gold. No, they never found anymore gold coins nor did they find any relatives as far as I know….I never did find out what became of the property and any belongings ol’ Henry had….I guess I was too busy re-thinking my future plans seeing that I didn’t have an example to follow any longer……..

Y’know….sometimes a “Silver Spike” isn’t enough! I’ve seen lost causes, bad causes, and even one Santa cause…..but I’ve NEVER seen anything like this Health Care Reform Bill that President Obama simply won’t let go of….under any circumstances!

His Cap and Trade garbage has gone the way of the Dodo because of all these “scientists” having been caught lying…….how’s that for an “Inconvenient Truth” Al?

Then he turns around and drops the civilian trial for Muhamed Sheik Kahlid and is now considering a military tribunal……somewhere, but NOT in NYC! (Didn’t everyone suggest that from the gitgo….or is that Gitmo?)

Hey that reminds me….weren’t we suppose to be out of Iraq by now and wasn’t Gitmo supposed to be shut down…..and weren’t we suppose to confine our involvement in Afghanistan versus doing a major escalation? I must have heard that wrong…well at least we’ve made some progress with ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”…..there’s something we can be proud of!

Oh yea…..I almost forgot…..how about that “Change We Can Believe In” bullshit….like the President is quitting smoking…..once again….bullshit!

Then there’s the “New Politics” that President Obama was going to deliver…..like  the “Cornhusker Kick Back”……”Louisiana Purchase”……”Florida Freeloaders”……the exemption of the Unions from the “Cadillac Health Plans”….yes fans, this is a change you don’t see everyday…..mainly because these changes take place in a back room!

Hey how about that Ben Bernanke with the “Recession is over” last September….maybe he should have checked  a newspaper before he said that. Maybe we should be checking his pulse!

Then there’s all this hubbub about saying “Negro” with our favorite deal maker Harry Reid……..and “F#@king Retard” by our favorite militant Jew, Rahm Emmanual….what’s next? I suppose the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee will resign in disgrace…..[what's that?......really?.......geeezzz] I guess the chairman REALLY did resign in disgrace! Well, at least there hasn’t been any unauthorized attendees at the White House lately….has there?

I’m beginning to understand what the President was talking about with “Fired Up………Ready To Go?” I’m fired up alright….and I’m ready for someone to go!

I was thinking the other day about times gone by……and I immediately flashed to my long time friend and now Business Owner, Helena. Helena owns a “Jets Pizza” store in St Joeseph, MI. and is doing quite well with it! But it was not her current enterprise that put her in mind, it was a former position she had.

Helena used to be a Barmaid and served everyone’s favorite libation at a local upscale restaurant….that’s not anything that should send up flares, but it’s the conversation that she she served them that was unique. Helena had a chameleon like quality that allowed her to talk to just about anybody and everybody.

Several examples come to mind…..I remember a fellow came in one early evening and Helena went through the usual greeting and order taking. After a few minutes she went back over to the man and started a conversation, it was rather a unique ice breaker that she used to do it. She asked the man if he knew his IQ and he replied that it was 154. The man then asked why she inquired about it and she told him that she liked to know the level of conversation she should engage in for her customers. He seemed happy with the explanation. She then proceeded to talk about the latest iterations of “Global Warming Theory” and other topics of conversation she felt he’d feel comfortable with as the evening passed.

Another time there was a young fellow that came in and she used the same tactic with him and she gleaned he had an IQ of 102. Immediately she started talking about football and Nascar and other such points of conversation that appeared to put the lad at ease with the flow of things.

The most recent observation I made with Helena’s methods of hospitality was with a young lady that came into the bar. She seemed a little nervous and once again Helena worked her magic. Helena asked her what her IQ was, the young lady conveyed she though her IQ was in the 80-90 range if she recalled correctly. So Helena asked her how she felt her vote for President Obama was working out for the American people……………

Well another great Christmas has come and gone…..the tree was a huge success, the Christmas dinner a thing that should have been featured in Better Homes and Gardens and everyone seemed well pleased with all the gifts they received. Dinner was a particular success with my “Polder Remote Temperature Probe”. I cooked the traditional old favorite…Prime Rib, or as the technocrats may tag it….Standing Rib Roast. This is a particular favorite of mine because the results border on fine dinning with a damn near “Fast Food” effort.

Allow me to recount the preparation of this savory feast……

First we take a trip to the purveyor of fine meats of your choice….normally I get my roast from Sam’s Club, their meats are some of the best I’ve ever had, but this year I aquired my roast from D&W. They had Black Angus standing rib roast for $5.99 a lb. Black Angus is the Nirvana of beefs for my taste. I ordered a 5 lb roast…..”Small End” with the bones hinged.

Let me explain all of that in plain English…..”Small End” refers to the cut of the rib near the end of the total rib…..the meat is more flavorful there, the meat is more dense. The “Hinged” part is cutting the bones away to a “hinge” of meat at the rear of the roast…..it just makes it easier to remove the bones after the roast is done. The bones additionally act as a stand for the meat to cook on. Make sure the roast is “Tied” as well…..this helps the meat cook because the “Eye” of the rib won’t pull away from the exterior portions so readily. All of this is really easier than it sounds….Just ask for small end ribs with the bones hinged and the roast tied.

OK….now on to preparation….this should take a sparkling 5 minutes if that….first remove the rib from the refrigerator at least 3 hours ahead of time….preferably 4 hours. Anytime between removing the roast and cooking the roast….salt and pepper the exterior….I do it generously…..then I cut small 1/2 ” long  x 3/4″  deep slits in the fat on top of the roast and insert small slices of fresh garlic….usually 2 large cloves or three smaller cloves sliced up do the job just fine…that’s it….done until cooking time. OK, we need to have a “Poulder” cooking probe….or anything that will give an accurate temperature inserted into the heart of the roast…..I usually do this from the larger end towards the smaller end at an angle downward….approximately 45°. This is a an advantage if you have a traditional meat thermometer in that you will be able to read the thermometer while briefly opening the oven door.

Now to the actual cooking…..preheat the oven to 450-475°. OK, now place the rib in the oven and let it roast for 12 minutes and then turn the over down to 325°. BTW, use a shallow pan to roast the rib in….I use a pan with 2″ sides on it….I also line the pan with aluminum foil for easy clean up….this is all done with the roast on the 2nd from the bottom shelf….that makes the roast sit about in the middle of the oven for good air circulation. About an hour after starting this enterprise you can check the temperature….be careful to keep opening the door to a minimum if possible….MASSIVE amounts of heat escape everytime you open the door….that’s why I like the remote thermometer….no door opening. When the roast reaches 118 to 120° for rare or 125° for medium rare…..pull the roast…..you will want to cut off the strings and the bones prior to carving….this is best accomplished in the pan it was cooked in…..then transfer the roast to a cutting board (use paper towels to do this….that roast will be hot).. and tent it with aluminum foil and let sit for 15 minutes (by allowing the roast to sit the juices can settle back into the rib)……then carve as suited to the guest.

This whole process should take approximately 2 hours from inserting in the oven to serving the roast…….that’s give or take 10 minutes…mostly give…You will want to size your roast @ about 1 lb per person….that’s it….once you do it you’ll be a Pro for life….hope you give it a shot, you won’t be disappointed!