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 Y’know there comes a time in the course of human events that we just need to take a time-out…..a little respite….a nap if need be.
Well gang, I think we’ve reached one of those times. This Health Care Reform Bill needs to be looked at closely…..that is, as soon as they have one!
It seems to me they are rushing this thing through the House and Senate TOTALLY without regard to ANY ONE’S opinions, wants, or needs. To top all of that off, NO ONE even knows authoritatively what the hell is in the bill……….. and what ramifications all this will have, if any. We are about to publish 1200 plus pages of legislation aimed at “God Knows Where” and with no Public Conversation about any of it!
THEN, as if all this were not enough, there will be PORK added to all of this mess if history is any kind of teacher.
Look, I’m not saying there doesn’t need to be Health Care Reform in this country, I’m just saying a whole bunch of things need to happen first……one great example would be “Tort Reform” for instance. How the hell can we have ANY kind of conversation about health care until we protect health care from being sued out of existence!
Seems to me that all of our Representatives and Senators are sending us a message….see the picture above!
 Well, Here we are again, Uncle Sam or more properly Uncle Obama reaching into our pockets again with yet another massive Federal Program design to empty our purses and wallets. Now I’m sure President Obama thinks he’s doing the right thing, but I want you to think and think hard, when was the last time you had a government agency of any kind REALLY help you with anything?
The new “Health Plan” for everybody is going to be fraught with “Pork”, “Add-ons”, “Liberal Inserts”, and a list of items that will be a huge drain on whatever way you and I try and save money. Senator Barbara Mikulski out of Maryland has a doozey on the table, we all get to pay for any abortions that come down the pike in way of recommendations from the “Planned Paranthood” folks. Senator Orin Hatch took Ms. Mikulski to task on the real meaning of her add-on, unfortunately she didn’t have a real good reply….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm5S6qTx11Y ….. Take a look. (You can copy and paste this into your browser)
I don’t know about you, but the last time the government did me a good turn, Moby Dick was a sardine!
 Here’s a prime example of someone suffering from self abuse!
I guess that’s OK in today’s society….In my day it could cause blindness and a malady known as the dreaded “Hairy Palm”.
There’s another result caused by this practice, primarily it is the media that is afflicted (almost solely)……it’s known in medical circles as “Mortus Bullshitas”. Simply stated the symptoms are an immediate near loss of memory upon the death of any human……and near total amnesia when people with any kind of celebrity attached to their journey here on Earth die. Let’s take a closer look at this disease as related to fairly recent events………..
We’ve had a plethora of deaths in the entertainment world in the past 2 weeks. First there was the passing of Ed McMahon, then there was the sad passing of Farrah Fawcett, there was also the untimely death of Micheal Jackson, and of course the most recent….Billy Mayes, the pitch man for Oxyclean. Now let me give you an example of Mortus Bullshitas. Oh I don’t know, let’s pick the media’s coverage of Micheal Jackson’s death.
OK, Micheal dies and IMMEDIATLY the media TOTALLY forgets the MASSIVE coverage they gave Micheal when he was on trial for molesting a young boy, not to mention a $25,000,000.00 payout Jackson made to a family in a case prior to the one that went to trial. They TOTALLY forget the mountains of pornography hauled out of Neverland, the massive piles of drugs….both prescription and not, hauled away by authorities, the unending testimony of countless witnesses recounting the distribution of alcohol to KIDS, not young adults, kids!! They can’t seem to put a bead on the interviews with MJ about sleeping with kids is the most innocent and wonderful way to show love…….wonderful!
What do they do? They start a beatification of Micheal….if not skipping that altogether and heading right into canonization…miracle or no miracle! Perhaps they’re using the erasure of all that went before as their miraculous event, who knows? In any event, our nearly sainted Micheal Jackson is worshipped by all pretenders to the cloth, those stalwarts of the media church, Jesse Jackson (ordained in 1968, without a theological degree.), and of course Al Sharpton (who became a minister at age 10 in the pentecostal church.). I’m sure before they’re done there will be Angels singing on high. So, I hope you can see the dangers of this bad habit…or maybe you can’t……did I tell you about blindness?
Well, it’s May 1st……been a coupla weeks since I posted. Mexico has been in the news a bunch lately. Do you know what day this is in Mexico? I’ll tell you, it’s “Labor Day”. Yup, Mexican Labor Day!
In any event, I was reading about this “Pandemic” that’s been dominating the news, especially where Mexico is concerned, and it got me to thinking. What the hell is a “Pandemic” anyway? So I decided I would look it up. Well, it’s apparently Greek in origin and literally means “All People” (Pan=All, Demos=People…Demos abrogated to Demic.) However, when you use the word with regards to the medical community it means “It’s the end of the f#$%ing world!!!!!”
Fortunately I have a special key on my custom keyboard for just such occasions……
Firstly, there is an apparent “Geographic” component to this “Pandemic” tag the WHO (World Health Organization) throws around like a drunken sailor on leave with a loose woman. What does this mean? Well, it means if it’s widespread it has the earmarks of a Pandemic, in other words, if there is ONE case in some undetermined number of countries it’s a Pandemic (See key above).
Then you have Dr. Margaret Chan (The Chinese Chairwoman of the World Health Organization) running around looking for Chicken Little to help her spread the word like, “All countries should immediately activate their pandemic preparedness plans.” Good, the United States has got a plan…..we’re going to wait until September or October when our vaccine will be ready for distribution……we won’t be capable until then!! You can’t make this shit up! We’re going to sit around and wait until September?! Excellent! Does anyone know how to spell, “We’ll all be f%$%ing DEAD by then?”
Just to make things even more exciting ol’ Margaret has “Levels” she can assign in between foaming at the mouth, we’re at level 5 right now. Do any of you know what a level “5″ is? I’ll tell you. According to the WHO it is, “A strong signal that a pandemic is imminent and that the time to get ready is short.” Now, I don’t want to sound like a pessimist, but is May to September a short period of time? I mean we’ve got all of May, June, July, and August ahead of us, hell, that’s a third of a year, is that short? Good God, we could be at a level 6 by then. By the way, that means surviving male children will be at a premium. Thank God the WHO has vaccine for just such emergencies. Yes they have decided to mobilize their entire 5 million doses of vaccine….Thank Ya Jesus!!
Wait a minute…. are they f%&$ing kidding?? FIVE million doses???……Let’s see….3,000,000,000 people in the world divided by 5,000,000 doses of vaccine equals 600, so that means that 1 person in 600 get the flu vaccine. Holy shit! We need to improve our odds a tad here….let’s see, if we eliminate all of Africa and all of India and China with the exception of Dr. Margaret Chan’s immediate family then take away Australia and Venezuela and everywhere else on the planet excepting Southwest Michigan, in particular Portage, and Angela Jolie I’d say we’re pretty safe. Geeezzz, I was sweating it there for a moment!
OK, in conclusion….PREVENTION is the best alternative. Remember our childhood friends from Winnie the Pooh……..
Back in my day the book to the left or something like it was the order of the day. Back in the sixties and seventies you had a whole bunch of male bartenders running the show. Now, in retrospect, that wasn’t too pretty OK.
Today you have almost exclusively female Bartenders (or Barmaids as we used to call them). I have to admit it is a huge improvement over what we used to have. There has been a paradigm shift…..a changing of the guard, so to speak. But….what is there in it for the Barmaid versus the Bartender? Why would a young hot chick want to be a barmaid? I understand why a young guy would want to be a Bartender…..I mean he’s in charge, he get’s to call the shots, he gets to meet first hand all the hot young ladies that come into the establishment. But what’s in it for the Barmaid….let’s take a look, shall we?
OK, you’re probably saying, “Jack, what are you stupid? It’s the money you nummy!!
I say, “Oh Really?!” Have you ever watched some of these “Big Time Spenders”? Most of the guys I see throw dimes around like they’re Manhole Covers! They think a good tip is, “Plant corn early this year.” No….no my friends, I don’t think money would qualify as a motive to bartend for a hot chick.
Then you might say, “But Jack, how about all the guys they get to meet?”…………
Oh, of course, you mean the guys that stare at the Baramid like a rare strip steak in a prison camp? The ones that look at her like a frosty glass of water in the Sahara? The ones that wished they had paid more attention when they were learning Spherical Geometry! Oh yea, any girl would be proud to be seen in the company of one of these stalwarts.
I know…..perhaps it’s the snappy reparte….you know, the intellectual conversations that take place…….like, “Hey Nurse, how about another transfusion!” Or “What time are you off tonight?” (Rough translation is; “I’m going home to pass out and I want to know if I should try and make it back here….”)
How about, “Fill in the blank”. You get it, these morons have the conversational expertise of Helen Keller.
So why DO these hot chicks bartend? My answer is, “God only knows!” I know, that’s pretty lame, but it’s the best I can do on short notice…..this whole thing remains a complete mystery to me!
Sweet Jesus……It’s absolutely scary how we think….or more precisely, how “I” think!
Today I was having my morning coffee staring out the front picture window, not really thinking about anything in particular and BAM!!
“Milford Cushman”. Jesus, I hadn’t thought of that name since 1965.
OK, your first question is,” who the hell is Milford Cushman?” Fair question, but I’m not really sure if I can answer that authoritatively. Let’s start at the beginning.
Milford Cushman was a kid in my high school class, really kind of non-descript. He was a tall, gangly, bespectacled, mild mannered, blondish looking, non-athletic nerd I guess you’d say…..but using nerd in its kindest possible connotation. I would say his most salient feature was his glasses. They were coke bottle bottoms with frames.
I never had much cause to talk to Milford…..we lived in different worlds. In high school there were 2 groups…..the “In crowd” and the rest. I was in with the “In-crowd”.
Jesus! THAT’s where Ramsey Lewis got the title!!
In any event, we traveled in widely different circles and only encountered one another in classroom settings. As I recall Milford was kind of a run of the mill kind of student, not one of those assholes always raising their hands while grunting sounds eminated from their immortal souls. No, Milford was pretty much just a plain Jane student. So why did I think of him? I guess this will rank right up there with what happened to Judge Crater (Google “Judge Crater”). Who knows what causes the human mind to do what it does. In any event, I wonder what ol’ Milford is doing now…..or even if he’s alive.
Strange how we remember things……maybe algebra will come back.
 OK, I understand word travels fast in this God forsaken area and I understand some folks are more popular than others, but when I see the highway department taking an active role in the dissemination of local news I’m just plain blown away!
I mean I just heard a couple of days ago Stephanie might be coming back and now it’s curbside news. I thought FaceBook got things around pretty good. They’ve got nothing over Stephanies circle of friends apparently. Well, it’s live and learn……maybe someday I’ll have a Highway Commisioner for a friend!
 APRIL FOOLS!! Hey, I was driving along and what do I see? I see another indication that this country is going to Hell in a hand basket…That’s what I see.
Now, you may not care that the patrons of this BBQ joint have been fed Dog meat all these years, but I do!
Did anyone stop to think about the poor Vietnamese? Well, did ya? I know the answer, it’s NO! These poor industrious people have probably had to go without because some shrewd BBQ proprietor pulled one over on the rednecks that patronize his joint over God knows how many years.
Hell, there’s an even more insidious side to this entire affair…..look at the sign, what’s it say? It says, “Little Pigs”, that’s what it says…..and what do you call “Little Dogs”? That’s right….Puppies! So Sherlock, what have the patrons REALLY been eating all these years?…..Yup……Puppies. This is sad.
So in summation what do we have? We’ve got a bunch of nauseous red necks, a pile of hungry Vietnamese, and whole bunch of upset people over the loss of an entire herd of puppies…..this is sad!
I know one thing…..Obama won’t be getting any puppies for the girls in this neck of the woods!!
Hey, What do you do when you have a problem with someone? ………..
RIGHT!………. Sue the shit out of ‘em!
But you can’t do that without a good legal team. So I went out and got me one. Wait…..I’m getting ahead of myself here. You guys don’t even know why I need a good legal team. Well, in the greater scheme of things it doesn’t really matter why. The fact is, I did and I do. In any event, I got these lawyers and we’re suing the companies that caused (According to the lawyers) my father’s Mesothelioma (He passed away in 2002, he was 86). I was going through some paper work and saw a deposition given by one of the supervisors that my father worked for in 1952. He said that my father had never worked in the department where they used asbestos and thusly could not have been exposed to it. I thought this odd for many reasons and I just happened to see the profile on this James S_____ guy and noticed that he was born in 1935 and thought….”WAIT A MINUTE!” If this guy was born in 1935 and my father worked for him in 1952 that meant he was 17 years old when my Dad worked for him….I think NOT!
Well, with my Blood Hound-like senses now whetted I surged ahead on my journey of inffailble logic……first of all this guy couldn’t have been a supervisor or anything else at B_ _ _ _ _ Corporation because in those days you had to be 18 in order to even work….not only that but there had to be some length of time of service prior to being elevated to the rank of “Supervisor”, AND how the hell would this guy know where my father went and when and for how long? I was on to something here….every cell of my being was sprung like a coil about to be unleashed…..Sherlock Holmes had NOTHING on me! I pressed forward…..the next thing I had to do was find out this guys start date with the company…..AHA!…..there it was…..right there in front of me, he started in 1945….he was 10 YEARS OLD WHEN THEY HIRED HIM!! I had the goods! This guy was an obvious schill injected into the fray by their legal beagles in order to diminish our claims…..Perry Mason move over!
Well, my next move was to call my legal team and reveal my findings. ….to grand cheers and accolades I’m sure. I called and they were indeed excited and HAD overlooked the obvious, much to their chagrin. I Love Me!
 OK, I just heard Lori Dorr is leaving. This is not good! I suppose this won’t mean anything to you unless you frequent the LODO Company in Portage, MI.
Well, it means a bunch to me…..I like Lori and I don’t want her to go…..but that’s just me being selfish I suppose. I mean who am I to impose on Lori to stay in this Godforsaken area….Lori’s a model….she’s unsed to the big time…you know, like New York City, Chicago, Seattle, Kansas City, Kalamazoo……well, scratch the last one. Technically Kalamazoo is here…..I mean Portage and Kalamazoo are like joined at the hip or something. In any event, Lori is used to living the High Life in all those exotic places with all of her Hot Buddies…believe me, I mean HOT……..I’ve seen pictures!
Ok that’s it…..I’m becoming morose over this and I may even have a nose bleed before it’s all over……..
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